For years, Norm’s has been turning the misery that comes with being a Seattle Mariners fan into your gain at the tap.

Every year, they pick a certain under-performing, highly-paid player and let you pay the monetary value of his batting average for your beer on Mondays. In 2007, it was Ritchie Sexson, who dipped down towards .201 ($2.01 per beer). Adrian Beltre replaced him in 2009. Then it was Milton Bradley and his sub-par batting average.

Now that Bradley is gone, it’s high-priced Chone Figgins’ turn. Figgins is currently hitting .202 and if that keeps up your Monday beer will be just a shade over $2. It almost makes you want to root for Figgins and the Mariners to do worse…almost.

Last night was my first Fremont Oktoberfest. I’ve been here for years, but I was always out of town or had other plans. I’m also not that much of a beer drinker. But when in Seattle, you must adapt.

Fremont Oktoberfest makes it easy, though, especially when amusing events punctuate the beer tastings. For instance, the popular boobs and booze combo on tap at the Miss Buxom contest, which I found out, is not just open to women. Two men entered, on a whim, and they weren’t in drag. They were, however, in lederhosen. And guess what, one of them won the contest!

(L-R) Second-place “Schnooki”, winner Bill Henninger (aka “Inglebert”) and third-place “Ivana Von Humpalot”

Bill Henninger and his wife Audry entered the contest at the prompting of contest emcee Red from The End/107.7 FM, who saw their costumes — the Des Moines couple always get dressed up for Oktoberfest — and urged them to get in on the action.

Audry & Bill Henninger

Henninger entered under the alias “Inglebert” and when Red asked him what his favorite sausage was, he replied, “The footlong.” His wife entered under the alias, “Gertrude.” Frequent visitors to regional Oktoberfests, this was their first time at Fremont Oktoberfest. They bought the costumes they were wearing last night for a visit to Munich Oktoberfest in 2008.

Henninger had some stiff competition from his wife, six other women and the other guy wearing lederhosen. But with the Applause-o-Meter going through the roof, Henninger made out with $100 in cash, a $100 giftcard to the Tap House & Grill, and a Fremont Oktoberfest prize pack that included a sweatshirt, tasting tokens and a souvenir 1-liter stein.

While his sisters have been Homecoming and Prom Queens, the former high school football player said this was his first time in such a spotlight. When asked how it felt to be the first-ever Mister Buxom, he replied, “I feel sexy.”

The contest was an entertaining diversion, as was the band that played covers of Pat Benatar, Michael Jackson, and in a most daring move, the Beastie Boys (”No Sleep Till Brooklyn”). But let’s not kid ourselves, the main reason people were here was to drink copious amounts of the hoppy good stuff. Some stayed with the 5-ounce plastic tasting mugs, which came with admission and five tasting tokens, and some forked over $10 for the souvenir 1-liter steins. But with more than 80 microbrews and 11 German beers to choose from, there was plenty to sample all night.

The Deschutes Brewery from Oregon and it’s eye-catching mobile serving station

“Beer me!” was a common phrase, and streams of cigar smoke wafted everywhere, making for a sweet, stinky need to stop breathing for a minute kind of sensation. And that awful blue, blinding light next to the Deschutes mobile wooden keg: please turn that off or down, because it kills the ambience!

But staying focused and on task, beer connoisseurs could wander from tent to tent, with barely any lines, sampling lagers, porters, IPA, brown pale ales, Oktoberfests, etc. to their heart’s delight. The layout of the festival, with wide streets on both 35th and 34th next to the Canal allowed for lots of movement and plenty of space to decompress, even with the increasing crowds.

Lounges were also randomly sprinkled everywhere, so if you needed to kick back, you could.

Some tasty finds so far: Lagunitas’ Little Stumpin Wild, Georgetown Brewing Co.’s Lucille IPA, Kona’s Longboard Lager (and you get lei’d too!) and Flyers’ Proptoberfest.

We hope you’ll have a good time today, too, and tomorrow. Today, we’re checking out the Texas Chainsaw Pumpkin Carving Contest! Pictures later!

Looks like clouds are clearing just in time for our three-day ode to fall: Fremont Oktoberfest, which begins at 5 p.m. and continues through Sunday.

Phinney Ave. N. and N. 35th St. will be the place to go to sample 80 microbrews and 11 German beers, the most the event has ever had on tap.

A $20 ticket will get you inside, a souvenir tasting mug, and five tasting tokens. Advance ticket holders also get to cut in line ahead of people purchasing at the gate where prices will be $5 more. You can’t buy advance tickets online anymore, but you can go to one of these ticket sellers and save some dough.

But Oktoberfest isn’t just for beer drinkers.

The Petco Oktoberfest Village contains an area for pets to stand by their owners in a beer garden, or become a supermodel in the CityDog Magazine Cover Model Contest. Owners will also run in Sunday’s Brew HA-HA 5K.

This is also the location of the kids area, where they can play with arts and crafts, race and decorate zucchini, do their own tasting of (root) beer floats and soda, and pumpkin bowl and carve — but not with a chainsaw.

That is left to the pros.

Of course, one of the main attractions is the Texas Chainsaw Pumpkin Carving Contest, Saturday and Sunday at 1! We can’t wait to see what happens.

Finally, the Miss Buxom contest is tonight. And yes, we’ll take pictures.

All contestants must be dressed up in funky, fun German attire and register at The Tap House Grill Buxom Beer Garden between 5pm and 6:30pm on Friday, September 24, 2010. Each contestant must answer a question and the audience will be the judge to decide who is this year’s Miss Buxom.

The crowned winner of Miss Buxom will receive $100 in cash plus a Fremont Oktoberfest prize pack with a sweatshirt, tasting tokens and more! Two runners up will each receive $50 in cash.

If you like to imbibe a cold one, Seattle is your town. Our neighborhood, in particular, with the Fremont Oktoberfest and daily beer epicenters such as Brouwer’s Cafe, Dad Watson and the George & Dragon Pub, is just like heaven for those who appreciate a well-poured pint. it’s no wonder Seattle Beer Week would kick off here Thursday at 5 p.m., at Hale’s Brewery (4301 Leary Way). Those who go can witness the tapping of the inaugural cask!

Some might say *every* week is Beer Week, but there is actually an event called Seattle Beer Week, and this year it is from May 13 - 23 (so it’s actually a little more than a week).

Hale’s is one of the sponsors, as is Brouwer’s, but other locals get in on the action too. It’s a good excuse to try the brew Hale’s made specifically for Seattle Beer Week and celebrate Seattle’s thriving beer culture - with a hearty, handmade Shultzy’s Sausage, of course.

The festivities take place all over the city, but they end up back where they began, at Hale’s. On May 23, from noon to 5 p.m., beer connoisseurs can taste brews from 22 different Washington breweries, including Naked City, Scuttlebutt, Chuckanut and Fremont Brewing.

After 15 years of making beer as a hobby, Matt Lincecum has taken his passion to the professional level. The Fremont Brewing Company is officially open for business. “We delivered our first kegs last week,” Lincecum says with a proud smile. The former attorney says that it was tough making the jump from practicing law to making beer, but he says “it’s been a dream since i brewed my first keg.” And his wife has bought in on his dream, which isn’t always easy. “I don’t remember the exact wording of that first conversation,” he laughs.

The small brewery strives to reduce their carbon footprint by using local ingredients, pre-owned equipment and sending their spent grains next door to Blue Marble Energy for them to use. Coincidentally the by-product of Blue Marble’s production is electricity, which is sent back to the brewery.

The outside of their building is currently bright blue, but the walls will soon be covered by local art. One side of the door will become an artist’s canvas which will be painted every few months, and the other side will have a bulletin board for neighborhood and brewery happenings.

Once they’re fully up and running, they’ll brew two kinds of beers — the flagship Universale Pale Ale and the Interurban India Pale Ale. Right now it’s just the Universale, which is brewed 120 kegs at a time and served on tap at a dozen places around Seattle, including Fremont’s Pacific Inn Pub, Bottleworks, Sinners & Saints and The Fremont Dock… with more on the way.

The brewery, located at 3409 Woodland Park Ave. N., will have retail hours on Fridays from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. where anyone can walk in and buy a growler ($15 for first fill-up), pint glasses (not filled) and t-shirts. (Check their blog for details on their retail opening date.) “We’re very excited,” Lincecum says, “We’ve done a lot of work to get the word out. It’s pretty overwhelming.”

Redhook’s breweries may have left Fremont, but the neighborhood is still home to Hale’s, Dad Watson’s and soon, Fremont Brewing Company. It’s a brand new microbrewery under construction at Woodland Park Ave. and 34th St.

To start, Fremont Brewery will brew two beers, UniversAle Pale Ale and Interurban India Pale Ale, only available in kegs. “We will put our beer in cans as soon as possible but for the immediate future, you will be able to find our beer on draft at many fine bars and restaurants in the area as well as come to the brewery for growlers and kegs,” explains owner Matt Lincecum on his website. “Starting a brewery in the midst of a challenging moment for our economy is clearly an act of passion. We invite you to come along with us and enjoy that passion in our beers.” Fremont Brewery will open in April.

It’s getting c-c-cold outside, a perfect time to break out some of those tasty winter brews. This Friday and Saturday, you can sample big, bold winter warmers from over 30 Washington breweries (list) at the 2008 Winter Beer Festival at Hale’s Ales. The Washington Beer Commission event goes from 5 to 10 p.m. on Friday and 1 to 10 p.m. on Saturday. Tickets are $23 advance and $25 at the door — you get six beer tastes (5 ounces each) and can buy additional tokens on the spot. And be careful, because winter beers pack a punch!